I don't understand healing. I don't understand why some people pray and are healed and some are not. How does God pick and choose? Why not everyone? I don't believe that healing is associated with any amount of faith. I hate that a lack of healing is associated with a lack of faith. I don't understand how some people experience healing for only a limited amount of time. And, I don't understand how God can promise me healing and my body not act like it's healed.
I've had "female" issues for as long as I've been considered a woman. I've struggled with having regular periods and was put on birth control to regulate them when I was 14. I lasted on and off birth control until I switched doctors, about 3 years ago. My time spent off birth control revealed I was unable to have periods on my own. A scary truth for a woman. My new doctor finally decided to explore the reason why I wasn't about to ovulate regularly. Through a series of tests, blood-work, ultrasounds, and exams my doctor discovered that I had Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). Due to several factors, my ovaries had cysts that caused severe pain and swelling. Nothing could be done to treat the cysts because they were not large enough for surgery. Funny sidenote. We've actually nicknamed my cysts, "the baby's foot" because the referred pain & swelling in my lower abdomen protruded and felt like a baby's foot to the touch! Anyway...
My blood-work revealed that my insulin levels & hormone levels were off. I was then referred to an endocrinologist that put me on a medicine, Metformin, to regulate my insulin levels so that my body would quit producing large quantities of glucose and odd levels of testosterone and progesterone. The new medicine was even supposed to help me have periods on my own. There was no need to be on birth control anymore. I stayed on the other medicine until January 2010. The other symptoms seemed to be less severe and I was regular. At the beginning of January, though, I had such severe cysts on my ovaries that I decided to stop taking Metformin.
Let's rewind a bit. I don't know the specific time, but throughout this whole fiasco I prayed that God would heal my body and that I would have regular periods, on my own. Not too much to ask, right? In January, my Mom really believe God said that I was healed so we decided that I should stop taking the meds to prove this. Guess what? I continued to have periods monthly! Like clockwork. However, the painful cysts still continued. Last August, I re-visited my doctor to evaluate the cysts. He ran more tests, blood-work, ultrasounds...yada yada yada. Nothing else was found so he gave me the option to take birth control, metformin, or continue without medication. I chose to be medicine free.
In October, I attended Chi Alpha's annual statewide Fall Breakaway. During Sunday morning worship, I began to ask God to heal my PCOS and my painful cysts. I immediately felt pressure, like a huge hand pushing on my right side where the "baby's foot" normally protrudes. Then a warm sensation. And I believe that God spoke to me that I was healed in this moment.
The baby's foot disappeared completely. Until December, and then my periods also disappeared. The months continued to pass, period free. In April, I read a book about treating PCOS with an insulin resistant diet that involves eating low-glycemic indexed foods. I began to change the way I ate and surprisingly, the "baby's foot" and my period reappeared in June! Two weeks ago, I went back to my doctor for my annual and explained everything to him expecting him to tell me to get back on some form of medication. He looked in my chart a few different times. Then he read of my ultrasound results, twice. He told me he could no longer diagnose me with PCOS. Looking at my current blood-work and ultrasound, there are no more cysts on my ovaries.
At first, I was a tad agitated. How could he no longer diagnose me with PCOS? Did he mis-diagnose me before? So, I asked several questions and throughout the rest of the appointment he explained that what was wrong with me before is no longer an issue. After letting that soak in, I'd say that's the definition of healed, right?
Even though I no longer have PCOS, my doctor believes I am still insulin resistant which leads to decreased ovulation. On top of that, he believes that I ovulate bi-monthly. Continuing to eat differently will decrease my insulin resistance and increase my ability to ovulate!
This whole healing thing has been hard. I've felt abandoned by God in this 10 year health battle. I've felt like He hasn't taken care of my physical needs. I've felt like He promised me something He would never make good on. I've even felt stupid telling people that He healed me when my body was acting completely unhealed--irregular and full of painful cysts. Funny thing is, God can't look stupid. And He always makes good on his promises. Sometimes His fulfillment just looks different than how we pictured it. Sometimes His time-frame is different from our own. Sometimes we don't understand His great idea. Sometimes He's just looking for us to trust Him, no matter what. Hindsight is 20/20.
"We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his son." Romans 8:28-29
My new prayer, "God, please heal my insulin resistance & help my body to ovulate how it normally should. Thanks again for healing me. Amen."
2 comments:
Amen, sistah! That's great!
TMI Brianne! TMI!!
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